A project of mine

[hsavinien]

Warning:  This post contains naughty words.  Very, very silly naughty words that are sexual in nature (if a writer wants to sound like a dimwit).

Words that no one is allowed to use in smutty fan- or original fiction (once I rule the world):

• To describe male genitalia:

Pride, manhood (elfhood, etc.), tool, weapon (sword, gun, staff, wand, etc.), member, little “insert character’s name here,” limb, rod, pipe, meat, sausage, hog [?], pole, poker, prong, man-junk, man-piece, length [seriously overused], throbbing [unless there is a medical problem]

• To describe eyes:

Orbs, spheres, creamy [?], sparkling, crystalline, dewy, shimmering

• To describe muscles:

Pythons [?], guns, rippling [defeat the evil cliché!], pulsating, lithe

• To describe skin:

Silk, velvet, creamy, bronzed

• To describe female genitalia:

Pussy, cock-holster [seriously wtf], flower, aching warmth, her wetness, love muscles [?], her center, any type of plumbing or public maintenance feature metaphor, snatch, cunt [...ew]

• To describe buttocks:

Globes, mounds

• To describe breasts:

Pillowy, beachballs, gazongas (et al related), bazookas, fruit (melons, peaches, etc.), heaving, mounds

• To describe sexual excretions:

Honey, nectar, juice, cream, wetness, fruit flavored (any variety)

Got any to add to my list?

Comments

[chelonianmobile.livejournal.com]

*giggle* Did you ever see the original fic which described female genitalia as "giving off a wondrous scent like a lemon-flavoured fish" and claimed that it/they(?) resembled "goo running out of a large sewer pipe"?

[hsavinien.livejournal.com]

*sigh* Oh, ew. No. This was supposed to be...romantic? To what, a sewer rat?

[chelonianmobile.livejournal.com]

Well, it was a furry fic ... Reminds me, I probably ought to quit looking at Yiffstar. There's some funny stuff on there, but it's far outweighed by the downright weird. (And it has on occasion involved unexpected cartoon baby-animal porn which is A) insanely squicky, B) technically illegal in my country - I think this is stupid because how can you tell it's a child if it's a cartoon? But meh, I try to avoid the stuff and I think it would be clear I was searching for something else if anyone did check my computer history ... But I digress.)

This particular one also involved constellations having sex. Yes, constellations. Don't ask.

[hsavinien.livejournal.com]

*snerk*

[hsavinien.livejournal.com]

Edited to add...