A project of mine

[hsavinien]

Warning:  This post contains naughty words.  Very, very silly naughty words that are sexual in nature (if a writer wants to sound like a dimwit).

Words that no one is allowed to use in smutty fan- or original fiction (once I rule the world):

• To describe male genitalia:

Pride, manhood (elfhood, etc.), tool, weapon (sword, gun, staff, wand, etc.), member, little “insert character’s name here,” limb, rod, pipe, meat, sausage, hog [?], pole, poker, prong, man-junk, man-piece, length [seriously overused], throbbing [unless there is a medical problem]

• To describe eyes:

Orbs, spheres, creamy [?], sparkling, crystalline, dewy, shimmering

• To describe muscles:

Pythons [?], guns, rippling [defeat the evil cliché!], pulsating, lithe

• To describe skin:

Silk, velvet, creamy, bronzed

• To describe female genitalia:

Pussy, cock-holster [seriously wtf], flower, aching warmth, her wetness, love muscles [?], her center, any type of plumbing or public maintenance feature metaphor, snatch, cunt [...ew]

• To describe buttocks:

Globes, mounds

• To describe breasts:

Pillowy, beachballs, gazongas (et al related), bazookas, fruit (melons, peaches, etc.), heaving, mounds

• To describe sexual excretions:

Honey, nectar, juice, cream, wetness, fruit flavored (any variety)

Got any to add to my list?

Comments

[yuri-shoujo.livejournal.com]

If it's in the lyrics of the song Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo by Bloodhound Gang, it's not allowed. Look up that one for some great examples of things that should NEVER be used to describe such things.

Anyway, I went back to find that one fanfic I wrote to see how many things I violated (and was shocked to find I wrote it way back in November 2005. I WAS A BABY WRITING NOTTY THINGS D: ) No violations you listed, funnily enough. HOWEVER, some for you to add. For female notty bits, people should be shot (perhaps only with rock salt though, it is a learning process) for the phrases "aching warmth" and "love muscles." Love muscles. This is why I have fleed from writing fanfiction anymore, especially of that nature. I clearly am inept. I'll stick with my brutal violence and leave the sex to others.

Oh and personal pet peeve "her center." Gross. Kill with fire.

OH OH OH (I'm having way too much fun with your post >_>)
http://ifuckedanncoulterintheasshard.blogspot.com/ This has a ton you should never use. However, I believe that is part of the horrible horrible gross satire. This piece is tasteless and gross, but hilarious in that horrible I have no morals way.

.... I'm done now. <3

[hsavinien.livejournal.com]

Ooh, I'm going to add some of those. Thanks!

[chelonianmobile.livejournal.com]

*giggle* Did you ever see the original fic which described female genitalia as "giving off a wondrous scent like a lemon-flavoured fish" and claimed that it/they(?) resembled "goo running out of a large sewer pipe"?

[hsavinien.livejournal.com]

*sigh* Oh, ew. No. This was supposed to be...romantic? To what, a sewer rat?

[hsavinien.livejournal.com]

Edited to add...

[chelonianmobile.livejournal.com]

Well, it was a furry fic ... Reminds me, I probably ought to quit looking at Yiffstar. There's some funny stuff on there, but it's far outweighed by the downright weird. (And it has on occasion involved unexpected cartoon baby-animal porn which is A) insanely squicky, B) technically illegal in my country - I think this is stupid because how can you tell it's a child if it's a cartoon? But meh, I try to avoid the stuff and I think it would be clear I was searching for something else if anyone did check my computer history ... But I digress.)

This particular one also involved constellations having sex. Yes, constellations. Don't ask.

[hsavinien.livejournal.com]

*snerk*