Consent in fiction; it's a good thing... (Me, blathering)

[hsavinien]

So I wrote a story a little bit ago, "Jellyfish are Irrelevant to the Study of John" which is very specific about consent (e.g. that it is good and doesn't become unnecessary even within an established relationship) and posted it both here on my LJ and on my Ao3 account.  One of the tags I used on Ao3 was "Explicit Consent".  I was poking through the other entries (of which there are not many) for that tag and a fair number of the other stories tagged with that are also tagged for rape/noncon.  I guess it makes sense if the story arc involves someone recovering from rape and involved in a sexual relationship with someone else. It just...bothered me for some reason, both that there weren't more stories tagged and that there was so much overlap.

Consent is always important.  Doesn't matter if it's a one-night stand, a seventy-year relationship, or anything in between.  I know there are more stories on the Archive that contain explicit discussion of and negotiation of consent; I've read them.  Why aren't they tagged?  Should I suggest tagging them as such?  Is that a thing people do?

It's also making me think about the way that I write consent.  I do not write rape/noncon at all, ever.  (It is triggering to me.)  Everybody who has sex in my stories is doing it because they want to, it's fun, they like/love the person/people they're with, and currently want to get off with them.  But I don't always specifically spell it out.  Most of the characters I write are self-aware enough and empathetic enough that it's not a discussion they need to have all the time and I don't write a lot of first times (if/when I manage to write a follow-up to my Gokujou Seitokai fic, that will be an exception).  First time stuff is messy and emotionally wrought.  (Mine were and I was definitely in a consensual situation.)  Most of the time I sort of slip the consent in around the edges; they talk about it without being explicit.

Maybe I should walk some characters through the Scarleteen checklist...

Comments

[glorious-clio.livejournal.com]

These are excellent points. I make an effort to make sure that I convey that all my "fade to black" moments are consensual (despite badgering from reviewers, I very rarely write outright smut because that's where I'm least comfortable). It's important to talk about it, even if it's awkward for the characters. They'll get over it when they move on to the sexy-times.

[amyhit.livejournal.com]

Your fic actually inspired me to think a fair bit about the whole “repeated consent” issue.

First off, I should say that I thought your fic was charming and nicely in character. You managed to capture John and Sherlock in an established relationship in a low key way that felt very believable.

I didn’t comment at the time, though, because I wasn’t sure how I felt, personally, about the whole explicit repeated consent issue. And I didn’t know how to comment on the fic without commenting on that aspect of the fic. And I’m still not really sure what my thoughts are about explicit repeated consent.

My kneejerk feeling was that, if it were me in an established relationship, the rule would be “touching is okay, but if I say no or stop, then there’s to be no sulking or attempting to continue.”

But then I considered that I wouldn’t be okay with my partner doing anything penetrative without some kind of obvious consent from me. Which made me question how that compares to Sherlock making a grab for John’s penis without asking. I tend to think differently about penetrative acts than I do about non-penetrative ones, but if you consider the penis as the direct male equivalent to the vagina, then I have to concede that touching it without consent is no more okay than sticking your fingers inside a woman without her consent.

Plus, I had to consider Sherlock specifically as the person John was addressing, as he’s a rather grabby, act-first-neglect-to-apologize-later sort in general, and could be particularly prone to acting presumptively in the bedroom as well.

Obviously the answer is that each person is different and has a slightly different take on what’s okay and what’s not, and whatever that take is for the individual, it has to be respected.

But I find the issue interesting, because I think it’s something that people are bound to feel quite different about across the field, with some people who go “Every single time? Yeah right! That would completely kill me sex-life,” and other people who go, “Absolutely. Explicit consent for everything sexual, every time, no exceptions.” And I don't think either of them is wrong in their stance.

a fair number of the other stories tagged with that are also tagged for rape/noncon

Huh, yeah, I get what you mean about that seeming sort of troubling. The idea that explicit consent is essentially being set up as a response to rape, and the opposite extreme of rape, as opposed to something standard and expected is…not ideal representation.

Conversely, I think a fair few people actually do consider explicit consent a totally standard aspect of a sex scene, which may also be why so few fics are given and “explicit consent” tags; because they don’t think of it as a notable element of their fic. In their minds, they’ve just written a standard sex scene.

[hsavinien.livejournal.com]

*nods* It is definitely something that can't be codified because each person and each relationship is going to have different behaviors that are okay.

The story I ended up with is not the story idea it started out as in my head, which involved more serious assumptions of consent on Sherlock's part. Because how many people actually get explicit instruction on how consent works? How would he know what was okay? Sherlock in my head (which I think matches the show's interpretation pretty well) is not good at decoding the interpersonal checks and balances that most people take for granted. He's good at observing people acting upon them and can thus replicate pretty well, but... What opportunity would he have had to observe the growth of a relationship from first bloom to being comfortable with unasked touching? So yeah. This was the toned down version inspired by me bugging my SO while she was reading in bed (though I'm not as annoying or persistent as Sherlock).

The idea that explicit consent is essentially being set up as a response to rape, and the opposite extreme of rape, as opposed to something standard and expected is…not ideal representation.
Yeah, this exactly. Additionally, most of the fics that were not "rape"-tagged were BDSM things. Which, obviously it's something that people in BDSM situations think and talk about more often, but other people should too...

In their minds, they’ve just written a standard sex scene.
There is that. Unfortunately, I fear that's far from the case. I worry that there's still not enough education on how consent works to assume that everyone has solid ideas about what it means.