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hsavinienTitle: A Rose-Scented Afternoon, or Keeping Your Gorramn Mouth Shut
Author: H. Savinien
Rating: PG-13 for talk of sex and Chinese vulgarity, also gender-bending
Disclaimer: Firefly and all associated creations belong to Joss Whedon, not myself. All characters will be returned only slightly traumatized.
Notes: Crack!fic request dedicated to Bytemite. Mal/Jayne femmeslash. Characters were renamed Mallory and Jay. 'Sly' is a slang term meaning gay (poss. refers only to men).
***
“Kaylee, are those tiansha cables fixed yet?”
“Ain’t the cables, Cap’n.” The mechanic’s voice echoed from underneath the engine, her green coverall legs sticking out and sporting several new oil stains. She slid out, adding, “I said already. We need some twenty-gauge copper wiring to replace where the damp got in with those skeeter-bugs.”
Mal growled, smacking one hand into the wall-plating. “Isn’t there someplace on the ship you can salvage it? We got about sufficient funds to buy enough protein to eat the next run and fuel to stay in the sky for it.”
“Nope, I’d be scrappin’ whatever system I pulled from,” Kaylee replied, her nose wrinkling as she frowned. “Shouldn’t be too spendy, though. Junk-dealer’d be all right.”
“Fine. Do what you can with her, mei-mei. I’ll locate somethin’.” Mal rubbed the sore place between her eyebrows. Just what Serenity didn’t need; more breakdowns. Well, if a few copper wires were the solution to their lack of movement, they’d get the gorramn wires. She stomped through the common area to the cockpit to inform Wash.
***
“...Don’t expect we’ll run into trouble,” Mal finished, “But keep an eye open for us coming back. Never known a rock where we couldn’t turn up some squall with the locals, given time.”
“Amazing it’s been so quiet, really,” Wash remarked cheerfully. “We’ve been here eight days already and not had one tiny little lynch mob to entertain us.”
“Tempting chance?” Zoё asked her husband drily, sticking her head in the doorway in time to hear his mock-complaint.
He spread his hands innocently. “I was just saying...”
Mal rolled her eyes. “We need some parts for Serenity, Zoё. I’ll take Jay along. Hell knows she’s been itching of boredom and irritatin’ the preacher. Maybe it’ll cut down on the impromptu sermonizing over dinner.”
“Fine by me, Sir. I’ll keep the rest of them staying put. We surely don’t need River or the Doctor wandering off and finding trouble.” Zoё raised an eyebrow, lounging against the locker. “And if you can keep Jay from leaping right into it given half a chance, I’ll spring for some fresh fruit for the crew myself.”
I’ll take your observations under advisement, as always,” Mal said. “Just make sure we have a ship to retreat to as necessary, dong ma?”
Mal slid down the ladder and shouted down the hatchway to Jay’s bunk, “Get your hands out of your britches and get kitted up; we’re goin’ shopping.”
***
The settlement, hun dan, probably the whole gorramn planet smelled faintly of roses. A fine enough scent on its own, Mal conceded, but after about the third day, she’d started wanting to gag on every breath. It seeped into clothing and hair and stunk in her nose for hours whenever she had to leave Serenity. Mal jerked out of her thoughts as Jay changed gears roughly.
“Ruttin’, stinkin’ town,” Jay growled, sliding the Mule in behind a scraggly patch of bushes. “Wouldn’t be so bad if it was colder.”
Mal nodded.
“We c’n hit the black after we get this wire stuff?” Jay asked, lounging back in her seat and rolling her head to pop her neck.
“Reckon so,” Mal said, absently watching the flex of muscle under Jay’s yellow t-shirt. “Kaylee said this should do us.”
Jay sniggered. “Near ever’body on the ship’s doin’ somebody.”
Mal levered herself out of her seat. “Oh, shiny. We have a comedian.”
“What? It’s truth,” Jay protested, slinging Vera across her back and following. “Ever’body but the preacher an’ the basket case. Kaylee’s got her prettyboy, Zoё an’ Wash can’t hardly remember to shut their hatch proper before they start in on it, an’ Inara’s got her fancy men. An’ wimmin,” she added, face blanking into blissful fantasy for a few seconds. “An’ we‘re ruttin’ yer bunk through the floor ever’ other night. Still think I oughta be gettin’ a bonus fer that.”
“Jay, for the last time – I ain’t payin’ you to have sex with me. If anything, fuckin’ the Captain should count as a perk. I can always cut your pay.”
“Nope, nope, that’s okay,” Jay replied quickly. “All shiny the way it is.”
“Good,” Mal growled, goosing Jay as she passed. “Now let’s go buy the gorramn wire so we can get off this gorramn perfumed rock.”
***
The local junk-dealer did indeed have a quantity of copper wire he was willing to sell them, the price dropping sharply once Mal called Jay in to glower and eye the more rickety parts of the building with menace. Vera was still slung across her back, but Jay petted the gun’s butt absently as she leaned against the doorframe.
The roll of wire tucked under her arm, Mal hauled her tail back toward the Mule at a reasonable clip. She kept her other hand on her gun. By the muttering of the townsfolk, Jay had either forgot to keep her mouth shut or her hands to herself and the local bravos looked well started on a pre-mob liquoring-up.
“What did you do?”
“Nothin. Mighta said somethin’ about the smell. Maybe.”
“Did it happen that your remarks included the word ‘sly’?”
“Mighta done.”
“Gorramnit, Jay.”
Author: H. Savinien
Rating: PG-13 for talk of sex and Chinese vulgarity, also gender-bending
Disclaimer: Firefly and all associated creations belong to Joss Whedon, not myself. All characters will be returned only slightly traumatized.
Notes: Crack!fic request dedicated to Bytemite. Mal/Jayne femmeslash. Characters were renamed Mallory and Jay. 'Sly' is a slang term meaning gay (poss. refers only to men).
***
“Kaylee, are those tiansha cables fixed yet?”
“Ain’t the cables, Cap’n.” The mechanic’s voice echoed from underneath the engine, her green coverall legs sticking out and sporting several new oil stains. She slid out, adding, “I said already. We need some twenty-gauge copper wiring to replace where the damp got in with those skeeter-bugs.”
Mal growled, smacking one hand into the wall-plating. “Isn’t there someplace on the ship you can salvage it? We got about sufficient funds to buy enough protein to eat the next run and fuel to stay in the sky for it.”
“Nope, I’d be scrappin’ whatever system I pulled from,” Kaylee replied, her nose wrinkling as she frowned. “Shouldn’t be too spendy, though. Junk-dealer’d be all right.”
“Fine. Do what you can with her, mei-mei. I’ll locate somethin’.” Mal rubbed the sore place between her eyebrows. Just what Serenity didn’t need; more breakdowns. Well, if a few copper wires were the solution to their lack of movement, they’d get the gorramn wires. She stomped through the common area to the cockpit to inform Wash.
***
“...Don’t expect we’ll run into trouble,” Mal finished, “But keep an eye open for us coming back. Never known a rock where we couldn’t turn up some squall with the locals, given time.”
“Amazing it’s been so quiet, really,” Wash remarked cheerfully. “We’ve been here eight days already and not had one tiny little lynch mob to entertain us.”
“Tempting chance?” Zoё asked her husband drily, sticking her head in the doorway in time to hear his mock-complaint.
He spread his hands innocently. “I was just saying...”
Mal rolled her eyes. “We need some parts for Serenity, Zoё. I’ll take Jay along. Hell knows she’s been itching of boredom and irritatin’ the preacher. Maybe it’ll cut down on the impromptu sermonizing over dinner.”
“Fine by me, Sir. I’ll keep the rest of them staying put. We surely don’t need River or the Doctor wandering off and finding trouble.” Zoё raised an eyebrow, lounging against the locker. “And if you can keep Jay from leaping right into it given half a chance, I’ll spring for some fresh fruit for the crew myself.”
I’ll take your observations under advisement, as always,” Mal said. “Just make sure we have a ship to retreat to as necessary, dong ma?”
Mal slid down the ladder and shouted down the hatchway to Jay’s bunk, “Get your hands out of your britches and get kitted up; we’re goin’ shopping.”
***
The settlement, hun dan, probably the whole gorramn planet smelled faintly of roses. A fine enough scent on its own, Mal conceded, but after about the third day, she’d started wanting to gag on every breath. It seeped into clothing and hair and stunk in her nose for hours whenever she had to leave Serenity. Mal jerked out of her thoughts as Jay changed gears roughly.
“Ruttin’, stinkin’ town,” Jay growled, sliding the Mule in behind a scraggly patch of bushes. “Wouldn’t be so bad if it was colder.”
Mal nodded.
“We c’n hit the black after we get this wire stuff?” Jay asked, lounging back in her seat and rolling her head to pop her neck.
“Reckon so,” Mal said, absently watching the flex of muscle under Jay’s yellow t-shirt. “Kaylee said this should do us.”
Jay sniggered. “Near ever’body on the ship’s doin’ somebody.”
Mal levered herself out of her seat. “Oh, shiny. We have a comedian.”
“What? It’s truth,” Jay protested, slinging Vera across her back and following. “Ever’body but the preacher an’ the basket case. Kaylee’s got her prettyboy, Zoё an’ Wash can’t hardly remember to shut their hatch proper before they start in on it, an’ Inara’s got her fancy men. An’ wimmin,” she added, face blanking into blissful fantasy for a few seconds. “An’ we‘re ruttin’ yer bunk through the floor ever’ other night. Still think I oughta be gettin’ a bonus fer that.”
“Jay, for the last time – I ain’t payin’ you to have sex with me. If anything, fuckin’ the Captain should count as a perk. I can always cut your pay.”
“Nope, nope, that’s okay,” Jay replied quickly. “All shiny the way it is.”
“Good,” Mal growled, goosing Jay as she passed. “Now let’s go buy the gorramn wire so we can get off this gorramn perfumed rock.”
***
The local junk-dealer did indeed have a quantity of copper wire he was willing to sell them, the price dropping sharply once Mal called Jay in to glower and eye the more rickety parts of the building with menace. Vera was still slung across her back, but Jay petted the gun’s butt absently as she leaned against the doorframe.
The roll of wire tucked under her arm, Mal hauled her tail back toward the Mule at a reasonable clip. She kept her other hand on her gun. By the muttering of the townsfolk, Jay had either forgot to keep her mouth shut or her hands to herself and the local bravos looked well started on a pre-mob liquoring-up.
“What did you do?”
“Nothin. Mighta said somethin’ about the smell. Maybe.”
“Did it happen that your remarks included the word ‘sly’?”
“Mighta done.”
“Gorramnit, Jay.”
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no subject
Date: 2009-02-09 08:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-09 08:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-02-12 07:25 am (UTC)That's actually the best characterisation (even with the genderbending), and above all, best dialogue, I have ever seen in a Firefly fic. In fact I usually avoid the fandom because the fic I've found in the past has been so bloody awful. But *this* is just lovely.
no subject
Date: 2009-02-12 07:36 am (UTC)Thanks very much. For context, this originated when my ladyfriend (yuri_shoujo) and I cosplayed Jayne and Mal respectively at a con. Two of our friends were River and Wash. Ladyfriend is kinda blind without her glasses (and I like holding hands with her), so I led her around by the hand all day. A girl dressed as Kaylee, unconnected to our group, saw us and said in the most wondering, awesomely perfect Kaylee-voice, "Cap'n an' Jayne are holdin' hands!"
I told this story to an online friend of mine, explaining that if Mal/Jayne femmeslash existed, we were probably partly responsible. She decreed that there must be fic and I should write it.
If you want, that friend writes Firefly fic. The piece I like best of hers is a River-spective short: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4775821/1/Looking_Glass
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Date: 2009-02-12 07:38 am (UTC)D'awww, that is an adorable story. I'm considering cosplaying Random Browncoat at Armageddon this year, if I can find a decent coat ...
*goes to check out the River fic*
no subject
Date: 2009-02-12 07:44 am (UTC)Awesome. ^_^